Focusing on the Picture of Health

It’s not a news flash that many girls are obsessed with their appearance. The preoccupation begins early. A national study of nine and ten year old girls (approximately half white and half black) found that 40% reported that they were trying to lose weight.

I have friends whose five-year-olds are asking, “Am I fat?”

With appearance a big concern kids (boys and girls), and disordered eating, anorexia and bulimia affecting so many, you’d think that any parent would be cautious in choosing his or her words on the subject of body image.

So, I was horrified when my friend, Polly, told me about an exchange between her nine-year-old niece Sylvia and the girl’s dad.

Sylvia was at the swimming pool with her younger sister Val. The girls were jumping in and out of the pool and asking their dad Bob to play with them. Bob didn’t want to, and asked them to get out. Then he changed his mind. “You should keep playing,” he said. “It’s good exercise. You’re getting a little fat.”

Sylvia is a lean kid with long, lanky legs. In pre-adolescence a girl’s body starts to change. That’s normal. But fat? Not even close.

“Look at your sister,” Bob continued. “She isn’t fat. You should look more like her.”

I felt sick when I heard this. I thought of Bopha. In our DVD, The Power of Girls, she tells about her struggle with anorexia and bulimia. “My parents are always comparing me to my cousin, and they always think she's thinner … They remind me that I need to lose weight, that I shouldn't be eating a lot.”

Hearing her dad, Sylvia turned to Polly and asked, “Am I fat?!”

“Absolutely not!” Polly said. “You’re strong and you’re perfect just as you are!”

Kids today hear frequent references to childhood obesity. Images of waif-like models are touted to represent the ideal. Eating disorders – and disordered eating -- are complex. Researchers are still exploring their cause. But this much is known: parents have to help their kids not focus on appearance.

If you tell your children looks don’t count, you’ll lose credibility. But you can remind your children that their character and what they can accomplish matters more. Recognize, acknowledge, and support their genuine assets. Children who appreciate their strengths and talents are less likely to over emphasize how they look.

Resources
The Power of Girls

Related Issues and Answers columns
Anorexia in boys
Anorexia in girls
Bulimia

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