Civil Rites

On occasion, I meet a young person with exceptionally good manners. A few days ago, I was introduced to 10-year-old Tyler. He extended his hand, gripped mine firmly, and said with confidence, “It’s nice to meet you.” Ahhh, a child with good manners. I loved it. In my opinion, good manners show both self-respect and respect for others.

Maybe it was meeting Tyler, but I’ve been more aware than usual of kids’ manners. Based on recent observations, here are a few suggestions.

1) Teach your children that restaurant waiters are not servants.
In an ice cream store, the child in front of me – about 7 years old – said to the young woman behind the counter, “Give me two scoops of chocolate mint chip.” It was none of my business, but I impulsively piped in, “May I please have two scoops of chocolate mint chip?” The boy and his mother gave me a vacant look, and went on their way. I suspect the child is still demanding service everywhere he goes.

2) Teach your children to say, “Excuse me.”
I picked up 8-year-old Sophie, a friend’s child, at school. Backpacks and jackets were flying around the gym where the children were gathering. A classmate of Sophie’s accidentally ran into me. She looked up, and kept going. “Excuse me” would have been nice. I know Sophie, who’s been taught good manners, would have automatically apologized.

3) Teach your children to say, “You’re welcome.”
Cecilia, a friend’s five-year-old, brought me a glass of water. I thanked her and she said, “You’re welcome.” I was reminded of a comment I overheard at a party a few weeks ago. “No one says, ‘You’re welcome’ anymore.’ ” I started listening and, sure enough, most people respond to “Thank you” with, “No problem.” “Sure thing.” “O.K.” “Absolutely.” But rarely, “You’re welcome.”

4) Teach your children to say, “I’m finished,” rather than, “I’m done,” when they finish meals, if they announce it at all.
My friend Chad brought his four-year-old son Javier over for dinner. After our meal, Javier said, “Daddy, I’m done.” My friend Dierdre was at the table. Never one to hold back, she said, “Javier, cakes are done, people are finished.” We all laughed. A few days later, Chad announced after dinner, “I’m done,” and Javier corrected him. “Daddy, cakes are done. People are finished.”

5) Teach your children telephone etiquette.
When the 10-year-old of a friend answers the phone and I ask for her mother she always asks, “Who’s this?” How about, “Hi. May I ask who’s calling?”

Why do I consider these important? Last week, my 23-year-old nephew Robb and I were talking about all bad news in the world: financial meltdowns, infidelity, flooding. “Everything’s a mess,” he said, “and that’s about all I have to say about it.”

With things around us seeming in turmoil, the world can use more civility. Even if it's something as simple as a firm handshake or a polite thank you.

© Blake Works 2008